My eldest competes later today in his school-wide spelling bee. Last week, he won his class competition and I’ll admit, I was surprised.
A frequent discussion in our household is how we dedicate our time. My boys know there is a tradeoff, an opportunity cost, and that each time they decide to take on an activity, they have given up the opportunity to do something else with that time. They sit down and map out their after school plans so that they can learn something about the things they’re passionate about – drumming, skateboarding, drawing, to name a few. Like me, they believe in the 10,000 hour theory, but have too many things they want to be really good at.
Ashton is often upset if he isn’t the best of the best, and I have to remind him that that’s actually okay. This year, he seems to be having an even tougher time at it because academics have gotten very competitive and he has his first really tough teacher. We all had at least one growing up, the type that marks you wrong even when you’re right, because there’s some life skill she thinks it teaches.
Lately I get a lot of, “J* is better than me at everything!” (*Name removed for privacy.) I remind him that we all have things we are good at and things we aren’t so good at, but realize, I can’t actually think of something J isn’t good at. J’s dad was my physics and pre-calc teacher in high school. J is wonderfully gifted and I’m very happy for him and his awesome family, so I really don’t know what to say to my son at this point. My husband would ask Ashton, “How hard are you willing to work to do that? What are you willing to give up – Scouts? Baseball? No? Well, that’s the decision you’re faced with, but remember, it was your decision.”
When they announced that it was time for the school spelling bee this year, which starts in fourth grade, he came home and said that he wanted to win it. And I worried.
Spelling is not one of his gifts. Math, science, art, we’ve got those covered. He loves to read and to me, that’s more important than the actual mechanics of language, which will come with spending enough time reading. He also tends to quit pretty quickly when things get hard.
“Ashton,” I began, hoping the rest of the words would just come to me. “Do you think I am good at spelling?”
“Yes,” he said.
“Well, good, since I kind of write for a living… But the thing is, at your age, I was not that good at it. At least, not compared to Aunt Elise (my best friend since the age of 2) and it always bothered me that I wasn’t as good as her. Still, I learned enough that I am very good and have even made a career out of it.
“You know that spelling isn’t exactly your thing, but if you want to win, I’ve printed out the words for you already. How hard are you willing to study for this?”
He promised he would. Then Christmas break came and he was at his dad’s for over two weeks where I had no ability to influence whether he actually practiced or not.
I was very surprised when he won his class round, and so was he. J gifted his extra study list to Ashton in congratulations and to cheer him on. Have I mentioned that these children are amazingly kind?
I know I could save this post and wait until after this afternoon’s school-wide bee to include how he does there. But winning isn’t the point. What makes me most proud is to see him give the effort.
He is able to think through the event with enough forethought to say that even if he gets his very first word wrong now when competing against all older students, he’s just happy to have succeeded thus far. Honestly, he echoes my same sentiments.
Willingness to try his best and the dedication to push through the challenges are the important lessons for him to learn. Those make me more proud than a victory will. I’m here to celebrate his efforts, whether he is successful right away or whether he learns how to pick himself up to try again next year.
And so my friends, that is the lesson for the day. Celebrate efforts. Perseverance shows true character, and that is an important lesson for all of us to learn.