There is so much more to being a good writer than understanding the rules of grammar and syntax. We can write and re-write, and no matter what, it never feels “finished.” There are always changes that can improve the way a point gets conveyed, new facts and figures you wish you’d had at your fingertips, or better analogies and anecdotes you think of that make a piece feel more relevant to the reader. And then, there is the question of authenticity to a piece.
In some of my training, there is one principle I go back to almost weekly: show, don’t tell. It is one of the hardest things to do and one of the last steps in editing a piece. After all the research and fact-checking and outlining of points, have I conveyed what I’ve written in a way that makes it easy for a reader to experience it, not just read it at arms-length? The importance of “show, don’t tell” in writing is to create an immersive, emotional, and memorable experience for the reader, allowing them to infer and feel events through sensory details, actions, and dialogue, rather than being simply informed of the same.
This is much more critical in fictional writing. A “tell” would be a sentence that reads, “She woke up angry.” A “show,” on the other hand, would sound more like, “She threw open the door without noticing whether it closed behind her and marched over to where he sat. Slamming her books down on the table so hard that his coffee sloshed into his lap…” It takes more words, but I don’t have to tell you that the woman is angry and assume that you’ll just trust me; you can see and feel her anger as if you’re at the next coffee table and considering whether to take cover. This also invites you, the reader, in to the story actively and makes you care more about what happens.
This same principle in our daily lives is revealed through the sentiment “actions speak louder than words.” We see it in relational mismatches of effort most regularly, but the issue is much broader than that. It’s the reason (well, one reason) car rant videos make us cringe. It’s divorced parents trying to one-up each other with social posts of pictures with their children, yet still can’t make the school play. Or at the holiday season they come out with gratitude posts about their blessings, statements about how their children are their world, yet the rest of their year is nothing but selfies and a whole lot of “show, not tells” that reveal it’s all just for show. It’s all about making a statement, but not making it real or carrying through.
On some level, this isn’t intentional. Some people truly don’t have the emotional depth to dig much deeper, so they simply can’t show you much deeper genuine sentiment. We should appreciate their effort, but recognize not to look for more. Some do, but their goal is to convince you that it is there through a social post as opposed to lived behavior.
I picture the scene from The Matrix when Neo tells Morpheus he knows kung fu. Morpheus responds, “Show me,” before loading a simulation program where Neo gets to demonstrate that he truly has the skill he’s just claimed.
Deeper for us to consider, this is also why social posts about “thoughts and prayers” after a tragedy fall flat. Yet Christians can’t understand why someone would take such little regard of their offered prayers when many of us consider taking our prayers to God one of the most meaningful ways we can battle the greatest evils of our time and face confusing situations that shake the world. Our thoughts and our prayers mean something to God.
The problem to the outside world is that we seem to be talking the talk without walking the walk. It looks like we’re spending a few seconds on a social post about the impacts to a community, without making a meaningful contribution through our efforts. We should be seen as lifting our fingers, and to do more than just type a Tweet.
Yet we want to chime in to the broader digital conversation about collective pain, and there may be meaningful work truly going on behind the scenes. So what to do?
Next time there is a tragedy, I challenge you, instead of typing the words “thoughts and prayers,” to actually type out the thought or the prayer. An amazing psychological thing happens when you read real words. They become part of the sentiment you speak within your mind. In a way, you will be inviting others to pray your same prayer alongside you as their eyes take in your words. No longer just an eye-roll sentiment because you’re telling me you had a thought and offered a prayer; I see your heart through that prayer and feel I have joined you in a moment of compassion and emotional care.
We live in a digital world and if connecting through the internet is the new “gathering place,” then let’s find a way to make it a meaningful environment! I’ll also point out, we are told in Matthew 18:20 that “where two or more are gathered in my name, there will I be.” This gathering place, while virtual, is a gathering place nonetheless, where God hears and answers prayer.
So rather than telling your audience how you feel, welcome them into the shared experience in a way that causes all parties to lean in. When offered with genuine intention, sincere compassion, and lived empathy, it will be tangible; it will make others more likely to act, share, and remember the thought and the prayer, instead of dismissing it as a stunt and meaningless claim.
Don’t tell us. Show us more of those thoughts and prayers.